ELAINE C SMITH WON’T PUT HER DAUGHTER ON STAGE

ELAINE C Smith says she will never put her comedian daughter Hannah Morton on stage with her at The Kings Theatre unless someone else has auditioned her for the part. 

The Two Doors Down actress and much loved Scots comedian will this year play the Kings Theatre as part of the Glasgow International festival which celebrates its 21st birthday with over 500 acts this March while her daughter Hannah,30, also performs her self penned Sad Girls Club appearing at Strathclyde Union. 

And Elaine, now 65, has always tried to ensure that Hannah is not a nepo baby.

She said: “I've said to her, there will never be a time that I will put you on the stage of the Kings with me unless someone else has auditioned you and thinks you're right for the part. 

“I can't do that to her. I remember it happened to Sophia Coppola in The Godfather Three and Francis Ford Coppola put her in and apparently Al Pacino who had known her since she was a baby always said ‘Don't do this. She's not ready’. It exposed her to the worst criticism and it was awful.

She added: “Not that she wasn’t talented, but she had to plough her own furrow and I think that's really important. I'll always encourage Hannah and always say ‘Yeah, I think that you should do that, but there's no ‘Oh, here's my daughter. She should be in this.’

Elaine said she made sure Hannah experienced the unglamorous side of the business before embarking her her comedy career.

She said: “She  didn't have rose tinted specs, thinking ‘I'm going to be an overnight success like you’. She saw the graft and it was really important to me. 

“The first job she took was a schools tour of Highland and Island schools where you built the set, travelled in a bus and stayed in rotten digs and all of that. I thought ‘If she survives this, then she does want to do it. She realises it's not glamorous. I started out doing that. I also did say to her ‘Write what you want to do’. Don't sit around waiting for a guy to come along going ‘Yes, you are brilliant’.”

Elaine herself says it has been a hard journey to become the well kent face she is today. 

She said: “It's been a hard climb, a hard journey and I took lots of risks, setting up my own company and everything like that. So it has not been easy as a woman in this city in the over the last 40 years of doing this. As soon as you get to a part in the climb up the mountain and sit there and just survey the view, you think, wow, I've come a long way.”

Talents at this years fest which runs from March 13-34 include viral sensation Zara Gladman (west end mum), Mark Nelson Susie McCabe, Frankie Boyle, Some Laugh Live and Old Firm Facts Live,  alongside Frank Skinner, Reginald D Hunter and Caroline Rhea. 

More at www.glasgowcomedyfestival.com 

SCOT SQUAD OFFICER KAREN GETS HER TEETH INTO DAKHIN PANCAKE

SCOTS Squad’s Officer Karen might have tackled a few big cases in her time, but she’s never got her teeth into  something like this! 
Actress Karen Bartke was dining in Glasgow’s Dakhin restaurant when she was presented with the three foot in diameter whopper made from rice, lentil, a bit of sugar and salt. 
The massive gluten free dosas as they are known in South India can be filled with mashed potatoes, chicken, lamb, seafood or even ice cream, or other treats for those who like a bit more sugar.

Karen revealed that her character Officer Karen would be particularly chuffed as she is gluten intolerant. 

Keen said: “It is the biggest pancake I’ve ever seen in my life. I’m quite afraid of it because it is just vast. I’m not sure I have a frying pan big enough to make it. Ironically officer Karen is gluten intolerant so this is the ideal pancake for me as Officer Karen. 
We established that in a really early one because Bobby came in and wanted to give me Whoopsy’s and I said I couldn’t take them because I was gluten intolerant. This is the ideal restaurant for Officer Karen because she can’t have gluten. Looking through it is like looking through the Clyde Tunnel. 

Karen is about to star in There's Something About Mary Queen of Scots tackling one of the country's most well-known and loved figures at the Flying Duck on March 15. 

It’s part of the Comedy festival but she’s open to other roles and looks up to Olivia Coleman as an actor she’d love to enmulate. She said: “I’d kill to do something like Broadchurch.”

Karen says she’s often given roles because of the dark circles under her eyes.

She laughed: “I make a really convincing shift worker because of my dark circles. In the make up and hair at Coronation Street where I was playing a Doctor I said to the lady that under my eyes was the black hole of concealer because it sinks in instantly and she told me ‘That’s good, we like that in our doctors.’ 
I look like I’ve not slept. I need to get a fire service job and an ambulance job and maybe a social worker just to do all your major shift services.” 

In the meantime talented Karen is looking forward to series five of Scots Squad and said: “It is due to go out on the new BBC Scotland channel and then I think BBC 1 Scotland. I’m really proud of the show. It’s got a lovely heart and real empathy for the police’s function.”

ADELE TALKS SEX, PAOLO, GLASTONBURY, AND KING TUTS DURING GLASGOW SSE HYDRO GIG

 Adele got touchy feely with a tattooed male fan, said Paolo Nutini reminded her of Al Pacino, joked that she wasn't cool enough to play rock venue King Tuts, claimed she was playing Glastonbury to p*** people off as well as admitting she was worried she'd fall over her dress during her Scots gig.The chatty performer was more like a stand up comedian than singing star during her first concert at Glasgow's SSE Hydro, which beautifully coincided with Glasgow Comedy Festival.All the hits were performed during the Friday night concert including opener Hello, Chasing Pavements, Rolling In the Deep and  When We Were Young. Before Rumour Has It Adele started the first of her audience interactions as she invited two ladies up on stage to tell her the name of the small venue she played in Scotland years ago.
She told her fans: "So far on the tour you are the smallest venue but the loudest. Oh my god literally, You nearly blew my dress off as you started singing Hello. I did not expect it. I must  warn you when I get nervous I swear and I'm nervous. This is the first time I've spoken and you flew around in circles to see me. The last time I played here was Glasgow Academy just before the tour started. It was one of most fun gigs I did."
The Someone Like You star then appeared confused as she tried to remember the name of the smallest venue she'd played in Glasgow.
She said: "Did anyone come to my gig right next to Wetherspoons in Glasgow. It suited me well at the time."
Inviting two fans on the stage she was told: "It was at the Classic Grand, in Jamaica Street."
Adele then joked: "I kept thinking it was King Tuts (where Oasis were discovered) but I'm not cool enough to have played there."
After being kissed by the two gals on the cheek she laughed: "Have I got lipstick on my face? Don't get me wrong if I wanted anyone's lipstick on my face it would be yours" Referring to the giant projection of her face on the wall behind her she added: "My face is almost too big for this venue . Thank God I've not got a cold sore." 
 Adele then invited a fan with a tattoo up on stage and joked: "I hope its not me with a double chin or unflattering. Definitely come up if you've got a tattoo on."
She couldn't believe it when two lads took up her offer and Douglas who had a tattoo of her lyrics on her arm came up to hug her. 
He and his partner Stephen were chuffed to bits to be on stage with their queen and after telling her they were gay Adele said: "I wish you were straight. No one has squeezed me like that for years. You lot are so touchy feely.  I feel like I've just had sex."   
Adele even took the mickey out of her sad songs telling her adoring crowd: "I'm glad you've got a nice seat to rest your ankles. We've got misery coming up. We're not on the miserable songs yet so don't fall to pieces yet. I forgot to say thankyou for the roses. I'm frightened I'd fall over if I held them. This dress is a bit long. Imagine if this were a short dress. You'd see right up my a*** crack. I got to the gym on tour days so I'm all fit for you, "
During the hilarious 15th show which showed off her cockney banter,  she revealed that five is her lucky number, Paolo Nutini her favourite singer and that she think he looks like Al Pacino and that she imagines she looks like Halle Berry, smouldering in an orange bikini when she sings Skyfall.  
After a couple asked her to their house for Easter, Adele who thanked them for their kindness and said she would if she didn't have her son to see, revealed she has 104 shows to go and on her 13th show at the 02, a dream come true, she broke a double bass.
She spoke to a drummer in the audience and asked if he wore shoes when he played. She said her feet were so veiny when she wore heels herself and prefers to wear flats.
She confessed she liked to pretend she is Alison Kraus but thinks she could never be  country artist and gave a shout out to local charity organised Les Hoey MBE and his Dreammaker foundation, adding she had an MBE too."
Adele also talked about her lovelife saying she was now with a 'nice hairy man', not a boy who 'respects me'. She claimed it was her first night away from her wee one but he'd given her a tacky bracelet to wear on stage and she said she'd had to medidate to get rid of her demons but added: "I'm turning into a cliche of a hippy. I  wouldn't go that far. It takes as much energy  to hate somebody as to love them."
Adele also talked about playing Glastonbury and revealed she was playing it to p*** people off. She said: "I wouldn't be offended if anyone thought I shouldn't do it. They think I'm boring but I've f***ing been there more times than you." 
Adele also paid tribute to her Glaswegian manager Rosie Moon as shots of Glasgow were projected onto the big screen.
The crowd chorused on songs like Set Fire To The Rain and held their phones up to One and Only. Make You Feel My Love was another huge hit, but  there are so many at an Adele concert it's hard to pinpoint which one was best. They were all belters and Adele's comic chat between them was a real bonus. 
The feeling was mutual as she told her crowd: "I now have 13,000 fans in Glasgow."

BILLY CONNOLLY BUSY DUSTING BOOKS ON TRIP HOME TO GLASGOW

BILLY Connolly was in fine fettle as he  met up with his daughter in Scotland  - and he claims he's 'busy dusting off his library books' at the moment, if anyone's asking.
The Big Yin took his daughter out for dinner at Italian restaurant Fratelli Sarti in Glasgow on a flying visit home.
Asked if he was up for the Glasgow Comedy Festival, he said no, but he did admit to liking fellow comedian Janey Godley's paintings.
Billy, who looked relaxed as he strolled out the eaterie, said he was happy to receive his NTA award recently and added with a smile, that he'd put it with the rest of them.
He also revealed his famous Billy Connolly voice was inspired by the Partick accent.
Billy was not the only celeb hanging around the area. The Irish band Stiff Little Fingers were also in the restaurant filling up their boots before their annual gig at the Barrowlands on March 17.

GRADO TAKES INSPIRATION FROM MICHAEL BARRYMORE

SCOTLAND'S cult Wrestler Grado has looked to Michael Barrymore for inspiration in his new comedy show.
The unitard wearing banter merchant reckons Barrymore was good at involving everyone of all ages in his performance and he's planning lots of laughs for his two shows in the Kings Theatre at Glasgow Comedy Festival.
Grado who will perform stand up in his own show It's Masel' on Thursday April 17 and Friday April 18 said: "I've got two shows at the Glasgow Comedy Festival which starts on March 20. I've never done stand up before but I I like to think of it like Michael Barrymore in the nineties. He was good with the old yins."
Realising that Barrymore may be a bit of a controversial role model he added: "Obviously I don't want to be promoting it as the Michael Barrymore Show but it will be about the weird and wonderful celebs I've idolised and what happened to them. There's weird stuff including my gran's tights but she's passed."
Grado who is is still an active part of Insane Championship Wrestling and is the former world heavyweight champion reckons he might feel a bit of pressure to be funny.
He added: "I think I'm funny but don't put me under any pressure now. The wee guy who cut my hair today is taking a wee Cypriot burd to the show so that's good.
Grado also claimed he packs his unitard everywhere he goes just in case the occasion calls for it.
He explained: "I always pack my gear in case a match ever breaks out. It can happen if you are walking across the town in Glasgow. There's never any hassle actually. People want selfies and it's all good banter. I've never had to get the muddle maker out.